Sunflower

Hi

I'm due to visit a rural area this evening as one of my husband's relatives passed away yesterday - he was buried this morning. Having never been in this type of situation before, I was wondering can anyone tell me what I need to say to the family members etc. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks

pebble

the traditional thing to say is: BASINIZ SAG OLSUN, i WILl try to type it out phoneticaly for you
\
bashiniz (those are i's without the dot) sa olsun.
it is the equivalent of "my symphaties"

if you are going to the funeral, be sure to take a scarf, also if there is going to be any praying, bring your scarf along, .

otherwise, just be respectful.

Sunflower

Thanks Pebble. I have heard that expression before, but I need to read words to remember them. I did ask all this to my husband, but you know what men are like!! He said dress appropriately and that was it!!

Peaceplant

There is a Turkish phrase you can use but can't remember - keep thinking geÇmiŞ olsun but that's not the one İ think.

The important thing is that in these situations women seem to comfort eachother and men stick together. There is a lot of sitting around in groups. İt's very important to have huge supplies of refreshments as folks come all the time to pay their respects. Helva, tatli, cay, cola, fanta, biscuits. Plus cooking is going on endlessly as there is usually family arriving from all over all needing to be fed. The best thing you can do is try and help with the supplies and preperation - what you say won't be too important but your actions will show you care and are supporting them at a very bad time.

We lost my husbands brother February in a tragic accident and it was the second death in the family İ have attended. My family in the UK are great jokers and laugh through all events - at my nans funeral we roared with laughter all the way to the funeral and my ex was mortified. But thats how we cope with tragedy. Needless to say the Turkish way is the opposite and smacking your thighs till they are black and blue and wailing is more appropriate. But at least they get the grief out and deal with it - then they can move on. We just make ourselves ill bottling it up.

pebble

LOL peace.....same with us, when my parents died, we had great ole wakes with everyone getting toasty and having lots of fun remembering the good times with my paretns etc., so when we lost my mother in law last summer, was distressed that we were all sitting aroung gloomy gloomy, so i thought i would try to interject some of our culture into theirs. big mistake....my kids still wont let me forget it, and the entire family thught i was absolutely bonkers......
so there is somthing to be said about "when in rome yada yada yada" even if you think its wrong.......
just go with the flow and dont crak a smile

Sunflower

Thanks. I know, it is very different here with regards to funerals. I'm from Ireland and wakes are such an important part. They bury their dead so quickly here!! The last funeral I went to in Ireland was a close relative and very sad. But the wake gave us all a chance to say goodbye and see people we hadn't seen for a long time. It is also a social occassion - I know that sounds awful, but that's how it is.

pebble

Yes, i know what you mean, it just isnt the same here.....it is very dry..... and everyone is boo hooing to beat the drums.

AzraCansel

toprağı bol olsun rest in peace.....but as pebble said already....başınız sağ olsunis the most common thing that is said.

Peaceplant

İ was treated to pulling up of long skirt by 2 relatives to demonstrate the depth of their grief according to the purpleness of the bruises. Totally baffling.

We tried our best to do our bit and kept filling up the fridge - and to our astonishment our sister-in-law wailed they had no food to the neighbours. We were embarrased and puzzled but later found out as quickly as we were filling it she was emptying it in hiding places on her bedroom balcony. What a strange woman! Ah well even death provides opportunity to exploit with some people