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Old 30th January 2008, 15:51   #1 (permalink)
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Turkish highway code

The Turkish Highway Code



Start off in the morning with as little fuel as you can so you can dump the car in the middle of the road and go off with a coke bottle to get some fuel to last the rest of the day.

When you get the car going again you must pull out in front of anything coming behind you causing the other drive to take evasive action and when you have done this sound your horn to tell them it was their fault.

You then see the turning that you need to turn into just 2 yards away and you must turn at the same time as making an emergency stop; this can work better if you have been in the wrong lane. At the same time do remember that you must never use an indicator while thinking of making the turn.

Whist out on the road, if the mobile phone rings you must hit the brakes and apply the phone to your ear add a little glue to assist as it will be in use for the rest of the journey, all the time you are on the phone you must not look at the road ahead and drive with your foot on the brake pedal to warn other road users that you are talking business.

If at some stage of your drive you are not on the phone please check your horn as often as possible but donít hit the horn button with the obligatory ciggie in the same hand, before you have thrown the ciggie out of the window wait until you see somebody ridding a scooter behind you, you will obtain extra points for catching the rider in the face!

Quick you are coming up to the red light now and you have to go through it as speedily as you can if someone in front of you thinks he wants to wait until it changes to green, call the men in white coats as he may need medical attention. If you have been inconvenienced and been held up by the idiot in front sound the horn as soon as you see the light change from red donít let the person in front have time to put his car into 1st gear and release the handbrake.

Now you have almost arrived at your destination ,its just 200 yards away but if you go down the wrong way, down the one way street itís just 185yards and much more fun. Never forget the pavements are not for pedestrians they are for you in the 4x4 to get to your construction site. The pedestrian can be an inconvenience, this is the time you must aim your offensive weapon (4x4) and practise pinball using all the flippers if they donít move, give them a gentle touch this will only cause you to tilt.

Now the parking, you must find the most inconvenient place possible, try to block another car in if possible or you could try leaving the car in the middle of the pavement this can be amusing, but the best place of all to park is on the junctions while you go to the cash point machine or to buy those ciggies.

Now to night time driving, you must check your lights daily the rears are not supposed to be operational if you require rear lights make sure that the brake lights act as an indicator, and that the red lenses are as faded as possible so they look transparent.

Seatbelts are only to be worn by the passengers that you are trying to frighten to death as you practise to take you test one day, but hey you havenít needed to take a test for the last 5 years and your driving is no worse now than the day you started driving a tractor!

Ok itís time for the journey home letís make this as much fun as possible, I know lets drive all the way home with the indicator flashing away ,every other road user knows where you are going so why take the ciggie out of your hand to turn it off. You are almost there 50 yards from your house you must over take and then cut across the other vehicle aggressively to park, if you are quick enough you can also open your driverís door as they are about to pass.

Congratulations you have succeeded in p***ing off more road users and pedestrians today than you did the day before! Tomorrow it all starts again good luck.

Ok we canít forget the motor cyclist you must adhere to the same rules as the car driver but you are allowed to be even more aggressive in your actions. You also have the added benefit of being able to carry more passengers than the man driving the minibus, why do you need to own a pickup truck you can stack a whole lot more between your legs than you could possibly fit in the rear of a truck. Remember to remove the ladder from the bike when you have the wife and the 4 children with you this will stop the children arguing about who is going to sit at the very end of the ladder, the smallest child has to be the one in control of the handlebars you just sit there and hold them, you must at no time consider putting that silly head gear on it will affect that perfect hair style of yours, you too are under instructions to use the mobile phone at all times but must only be held in the throttle hand so you coast down the highway.

During your day on the road you will have great fun as the dogs chase you up the street, practise driving as fast as possible whilst lifting out 1 leg and trying to catch the animal under the jaw before he pulls you off the bike, if you stop and get off the bike to confront the beast you will be deducted points. May the rest of your journey be as frightening as you can possibly make it for all other road users and pedestrians.

Now the turn of the pedestrian, do you want to get your own back on the road users and those who drive at you on the walkways, its easy just stay at home you will remove any enjoyment that the driver will have from driving, if you must venture out walk on the roads they have less vehicles driving on them than the walkways.
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Old 30th January 2008, 16:28   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

Nice One Kev but it goes on abit.
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Old 30th January 2008, 17:52   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

"Nice One Kev but it goes on abit."

C'mon Andy, stop hedging around the issue - say what you mean for heaven's sake.....


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Old 30th January 2008, 18:41   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

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Old 30th January 2008, 19:29   #5 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Turkish highway code

ha ha ha I love it ..its so true !!!
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Old 30th January 2008, 19:43   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

Oh! So true
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Old 30th January 2008, 20:16   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

pure class your post hit home; I am laughing my head off - my hubby is a really good driver as well as a considerate man, one of the first things he said when we first wanted to make Turkey our second home was "I won't drive as I know I'll end up in prison"!!!!

Each time we visit we become more familiar with public transport and when we get it wrong we use taxi's - it balances out overall.

My hubby loves Turkish culture more than ours - but not the driving!!!! His temper buttons are pushed when bully drivers use their cars as weapons here in the UK. He is 6 foot 2 inch so can't be bullied most times.

About two years ago in a supermarket car park(UK) at peak time we were looking for a space amongst MANY others, we noticed a male driver let loose verbally really abusing a female driver who found a place (and was in the right, we witnessed it ) she ended up in tears, I was sat next to my hubby and my reaction was 'what a dick' my hubby jumped out to help her out - guess what????? - the bully seeing my hubby quickly drove off!!!!!!!

We both realise it will be a while before we can adapt to driving - I can't wait to show my hubby your post ( Man U are playing so he won't come and look) so perhaps I can work on his hee hee coping skills

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Old 9th February 2013, 13:27   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

I was in a supermarket car park here in Turkey. I was planning to reverse into a space and NO I dont take an age to do it. I heard hooting and saw a turk in a car behind me, waving his hands and telling me to move on. I pointed at the space and he got more aggressive, so I reversed at him......

OK he didn't know I had reversing sensors, LOL but I took great satisfaction that he had to reverse out of my way and he began to remonstrate with me once I was in the spot so I went ape and shouted at him to shut up. Now, it might have been my unhingedness that made him drive off, or it could have been the size of my husband. But he learnt a couple of lessons: 1, women can reverse into a parking space, and 2 being rude and aggressive to a menopausal woman doesnt always get you your own way.
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Old 9th February 2013, 13:41   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bibby View Post
I was in a supermarket car park here in Turkey. I was planning to reverse into a space and NO I dont take an age to do it. I heard hooting and saw a turk in a car behind me, waving his hands and telling me to move on. I pointed at the space and he got more aggressive, so I reversed at him......

OK he didn't know I had reversing sensors, LOL but I took great satisfaction that he had to reverse out of my way and he began to remonstrate with me once I was in the spot so I went ape and shouted at him to shut up. Now, it might have been my unhingedness that made him drive off, or it could have been the size of my husband. But he learnt a couple of lessons: 1, women can reverse into a parking space, and 2 being rude and aggressive to a menopausal woman doesnt always get you your own way.
Haha that reminds me of last year during the Seker Bayram. I was driving along a narrow street with lots of silly parking either side. There was an Istanbul driver coming the other way. Now if he had been polite he would have reversed back 2 car lengths to a space - but of course he wasn't and shouted to me rudely to reverse along the road. I would have had to go back at least 10 cars to find a space. I refused while my hubby sat in the passenger seat. So we sat there for a moment or two while this very rude man ranted at me. I then smiled sweetly and folded in my side mirrors and defly drove on - there was just room but not much and the other driver went white. All the time I smiled sweetly and gave him a nice wave. I really don't mind reversing back in this situation for anybody but I was not going to be told what to do by this very rude and aggressive man.
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Old 9th February 2013, 13:43   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Turkish highway code

Ha!!!!!! Smashing. Hormones eh!!!
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