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Old 23rd August 2019, 11:37   #391 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Of course Dave will be happy as you are prepared to run after him and do the necessary. Comparing the two Dave has the comfort of home and better attention.
Medically though he will be better in hospital.

When my father in law was in sheltered housing social services actually told my wife to stay away for a month as he was just using her, he turned away cleaners people that done his shopping/washing and was expecting my wife to do it all after she finished work, he was 85 at the time.
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Old 23rd August 2019, 12:01   #392 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

This thread takes me back to my childhood days, Mrs. Dales Diary 4pm weekdays for 15 minutes.
"I'm worried about Jim"
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Old 23rd August 2019, 13:39   #393 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Don't have him home. I predict it will result in a return to hospital soon after. He's still needing changed frequently and has trouble walking so falls are on the agenda. It seems to me you are in no better place than you were when he was readmitted.
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Old 24th August 2019, 18:32   #394 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I was taken to a quiet room by two doctors. One, a lady, I had spoken to on the 'phone and on the ward. The guy I have spoken to before, but not recently.

They talked "at" me for some time, at least the guy did. Basically, the message was that they could not do anything for Dave now. He was on antibiotics because of a recurrence of the C.Diff. and these will cease on the 29th August.

He said it didn't matter how long Dave was in hospital, they were not going to be able to do anything about his weight loss and subsequent weakness of his legs and arms. They again hit me with non-compliance. Won't eat, won't get out of bed, won't take medication etc. etc. Most of which I find hard to believe. Dave knows that unless he is walking/shuffling to at least make a difference, I won't have him home. I told the doctors this and they said that they would not recommend him for a place at a rehab centre as he has to be actively "wanting to get better". They said they will write to our GP advising him of this, and saying that if Dave basically, changes his attitude, then it will be "up to our GP" to recommend a rehab place.

They also said that if I was not in the equation they would be discharging Dave to a nursing home who had the staff to deal with him! Nice eh! What they do not understand, or don't want to understand, is that Dave feels so ill most of the time and the constant bottom changing is really getting him down.

I went back to Dave and told him what they had said. He said to get his clothes out he was leaving then and there. I told him that as soon as he reached stage 5 on the "poop" chart, he could leave. He is on 6 at the moment. He also has a catheter again. Strange little plastic flat bottle strapped to his left calf, and which keeps sliding down as there is no muscle in his leg! Anyway, he decided that whatever happened, he was coming home on Monday, regardless. He knows what will happen if he falls over, I have stressed this enough times. So he knows the score.

Anyway, it seems yesterday he got out of bed and walked the length of the corridor with the rehab lady. He was going to do the same today, but events overtook him. He went into the en suite toilet this morning and back out again with no problem. But when I got there he was rolling the bed in agony. He said he wanted to pee, but it won't come out. The bag was empty. I went out and got the sister and I told her that if they didn't do something Dave would pull the catheter out himself to relieve the pain. The sister came in with co-codamol and a bag of liquid stuff to "flush through" the catheter. This amounted to connecting it to the tube and squeezing it into the bladder. Although some of it went in, it was obvious there was a blockage as it sprayed out to the side and onto the bed. She went and got another one, and this one seemed to work. When she reconnected the more usual large tubed catheter bag, the urine started flowing with a vengeance. They then changed him and the bed sheets. Although this only because they had all got wet. The incontinence pad was alright before this. Dave said that is because he had "been" on his own this morning. The sister said that they were not allowed to take the catheter out. We have come up against this quite a lot in this hospital. No-one can do anything without first finding a doctor to authorise whatever it is. Dave just couldn't sleep a night or so ago and asked for a sleeping pill, or something. The night nurse went out and came back with the information that she had looked at his "record" and he has not been written up for sleeping tablets. So hard luck - just put up with it.

He said that it was only minutes before the pain went. But I was greeted when I arrived by two of them telling me that I must get him to eat his lunch. Quite frankly I think no-one who had the pain he obviously had would be interested in eating. Anyway, after the pain had subsided, he said he would eat his lunch now. It was a very nice looking egg salad. Whilst all this with the catheter had been going on, he was shivering. He said he was very cold. So after I put two blankets on him with the sheet and he felt a bit better. However, it didn't reach his hands. A nurse I have not seen before came in to get his blood sugar. She tried five times in different fingers before getting sufficient to test. Prior to this, I tested him and made him 3.6. But I said that our machine reads higher than theirs so would they please test him. It was 1.6. It annoys me that I have to tell them that he is low. Particularly as he was not eating. Don't they know that in diabetes the sugar level drops if you don't eat? Obviously not. Anyway, they brought him two cartons of orange juice, one of apple juice and a yoghurt. I had previously got him another icecream. Plenty of sugar. He ate all the salad, which included two boiled eggs! So they do have eggs after all. I had to feed him most of it, as his hands were shaking so much he kept losing what he had put on the fork. I got a spoon. Simple! It worked. He could manage it himself after that.

I left early as Mark was supposed to be here finishing our shed roof. But he has not arrived. Why am I not surprised? That man is so unreliable and unpunctual. I know it is a cliche, but I am sure he will be late for his own funeral. Why change the habit of a lifetime?

Back to Dave. He said that he was going to go for a walk before dinner tonight. I hope he did. Although if they are right, then it is a little late in the day to suddenly become accommodating. But he said that he surprised himself this morning, as on other occasions he has got in to the toilet okay, but has needed help to get out. Today he did it. I don't know, maybe he has just now found the knack of opening the door, or maybe he has got a bit more in his legs, although they don't look like it. Or maybe he has got the wind up at the mention of a nursing home!

Anyway, no Mark, so I am going to get my dinner.

Maisie
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Old 24th August 2019, 20:28   #395 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

To have any control over what they are doing or threatening to do, you must involve PALS Maisie.

Hopefully Esb will be along soon & will be able to advise.
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Old 24th August 2019, 21:29   #396 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

The only people that can help you are PALS, why won't you involve them?
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Old 25th August 2019, 00:01   #397 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I think you will find the Nursing Home threat is nothing more than a bluff, the hospital wouldn't discharge Dave to a Nursing home without securing funding from Dave to pay Nursing Home fees for England range from £900-1700 per week.
I guess the question that does need to be ask is Dave of sound mind or is he very good at manipulation and he knows that Maise wouldn't follow through with the threat of not having in home.
I get the impression that Maise is really a Big softie and I think its time now for Maise to get tough with Dave.
Dave seems to like his Food treats that Maise brings in especially as he not required to do anything in return.
No walking, or eating = no food treats
As we know there are no physio staff at weekend's or bank holidays so hopefuly Dave will go for short walks/shuffles with Maise during her visits that way she can ascertain if he will be able to cope at home or not.

I do think you should consider having carers at home for 6 weeks free of charge as I suspect Dave will get away with not getting out of bed for you where he might get out of bed for some else, the same applies to walking.

You have indicated that Dave doesn't want carers in your home the simply answer for him is if he eats regularly and exercises(walks shuffles) every day they will be no longer required.
I still think you should go to Pals although if Dave is noncompliant with items that would get him fit I not sure if there is anything they can do
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Old 25th August 2019, 00:09   #398 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Quote:
I guess the question that does need to be ask is Dave of sound mind or is he very good at manipulation and he knows that Maise wouldn't follow through with the threat of not having in home.
I think you are near the mark but with manipulation from both Dave and the NHS and poor Maisie is doggie in the middle.
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Old 25th August 2019, 04:32   #399 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I have to agree with most of what has been said. First and foremost is get PALS involved Maisie. It has been said so often but you still have not got them on board in this. Secondly I d think that Dave has you on a piece of string and probably does need a short, sharp shock to get him to behave. Does he really not remember what is said, nor what he says or does? (My husband pulls that one quite regularly). Stop the treats. Some of the things you bring him he shouldn't be eating at the moment until his stomach settles down. Anyway, PALS Maisie. Get them on board.
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Old 27th August 2019, 16:46   #400 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Maisie I am on absolute tenterhooks to know what has happeed since your last post.
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