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Old 19th September 2019, 12:34   #461 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

The d.nurse turned up eventually. She said that she was off the previous day, so didn't know anything about coming here on Tuesday. I asked her about Friday - the next threatened visit. She said that as she is now one day late, so might Friday be Saturday instead. She said she would find out and telephone me later. I can hardly believe this. These people are supposed to be professionals. When I was at work, if I promised to be somewhere on a certain date and I couldn't make it, I would telephone to apologise. Obviously my work ethic is/was different to theirs. Is this a sign of the times? And they want me to have carers?

Quite honestly for what the d.nurse did, it was not worth the bother. She took off the plaster on Dave's bum and one she had applied to his arm before. She replaced both of these and then left! What a waste of time. I could have done that twenty times over prior to her visit. I think on Friday when the next one turns up, if that is all they do, then I am going to tell them not to come back. I am quite capable of ripping off a plaster and putting on a new one! Also, I have various sprays and creams specifically intended to heal up bedsores (or pressure sores as they call them). Nothing of the sort is being applied - just the plaster. So I think Dave would be better off letting me do it anyway. The plaster on his bum came off in the early hours of this morning when he sat on the commode, so I have had to do it anyway.

I have been trying to get out ever since about nine o'clock. But things keep happening. Dave has said that the cup-a-soup he asked for and got at about half past eleven will do him until dinner tonight. I'm not pushing him because at least he is eating. He had ham and chips last night, and ate the lot.

I think I am about able to go out now. I managed to rescan the TV and he can now get BBC 1 and 2 plus a few other extraneous stations. Hopefully the new aerial will arrive tomorrow.

Maisie
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Old 21st September 2019, 10:11   #462 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Hoping no news is good news Maisie. No night time cramps and that you have had your teeth fixed?
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Old 22nd September 2019, 10:38   #463 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Cramps have been a bit less, so can sleep for a few hours at a time. Unfortunately Dave's time clock has him "going" every three to four hours. It is getting to the stage where I can pre-empt a session by suggesting he sits on the commode. A bit like you do with toddlers - sit on the potty until you go. It does seem to work. I am now having a problem with my left hip. Hurts very much. I am well overdue for an injection and I have an appointment to see my GP on 2nd October. So I will moan then about being "forgotten".

He has refused to come downstairs every day. Of course, on "district nurse" days it makes sense to stay in bed, as she can get to the parts easier. He is not eating properly, although he makes a stab at the food. He is quite happy with soup, but that makes no sense to me. He should realise that his stomach has shrunk, and he should be actively doing something about stretching it again. He was coming downstairs yesterday to watch the qualifying F1 in Singapore. But he was not feeling too good and said that he would make the effort today to watch the actual race. Mmm?

I got him on the scales day before yesterday. 7sts.6lbs. - wow I wish! This is of course directly linked to not eating, but he will not see it. All he does is joke that the lighter he gets the easier it is for me to pick him up. The commode is by his side of the bed, so any "picking up" I have to do is if, when he stands to get back into bed, his knees give out. All I do is lift his top half onto the bed and then his legs. I am getting quite proficient at it too!

I have just ordered some plastic drugget from eBay. It will just fit down the side of the bed and under the commode. That in itself is going to make life a lot easier. Once or twice he has been slow in getting from bed to commode, with the expected result. Easy clean plastic!

I have not been back to the dentist yet. Although the antibiotics ran their five day course, the pain and swelling did not go down straight away. It has now, so I will go and make my appointments either tomorrow or Tuesday. Depends how Dave is to leave. Mostly not a problem and of course the nurse is due on Tuesday. So if I don't go tomorrow, it will have to wait until Wednesday or Thursday (our market day). I am not prevaricating, I know that now I have started I will have to finish.

Dave didn't want breakfast today, but said he would like two boiled eggs with bread and butter as a sort of brunch. If he eats that okay, he will be able to eat again at dinner time (I hope). I have a chicken cooking in the oven for tonight and he said he is looking forward to it.

Maisie
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Old 23rd September 2019, 05:56   #464 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

All promises of eating backfired. Dave asked for one piece of toast and jam for "lunch". This I did. But he only had two mouthfuls out of half the slice. Said he felt "ill".

Dinner time. Did not want the chicken or anything else. The only thing he ate was a few physalises.

He did his 'usual' at 3.15am. One day I might get to sleep right through the night. Trouble is, once I am awake, I am awake. No point in going back to bed - so here I am.

I have tried today to 'lay down the law'. I told him that unless he bucks his ideas up, I will be sending him to somewhere where they can cope with his reticence to eat and get out of bed.

Having said that. I took the bag of 'stuff' downstairs and made a coffee. Upon coming back up, I heard him obviously out of bed. I went round and there he was wobbling all over the place using a walking stick only. I asked him where he thought he was going, and he said that he had to get to the toilet "before it was too late". I know that his memory is rubbish, but after only twenty minutes he had 'forgotten' that he had "been"? I find that hard to accept.

This morning he asked me "is Jeannie still in bed"? Jeannie being his sister who went to Africa with her husband in 1975! Then he wanted to know if Mark had gone out. I get very fed up with telling him that Mark has not lived here with us for (it must be) about twelve years now. I expect next he will be banging on about 'the trip' he organised! He had already said this morning that he wasn't 'going to work'. That one again. This may sound harsh, but I am getting very annoyed about all these references to events from years ago. Why doesn't he remember? I am given to understand that 'older' memories are crystal clear. How old is old? We are talking here of over twenty years, and his memory is not clear, and more recent events seem to have escaped him.

I ignore questions like "where are we going today" and "do you think I should shave before we go out"? Although it is difficult to do this. It seems that this will be ongoing, and he will come out with something very silly more and more. How to deal with this? I don't know. Eventually he will realise that I am ignoring his questions and I can see a big row in the offing!

Tomorrow is another day doesn't seem to offer any optimism.

Maisie
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Old 23rd September 2019, 12:39   #465 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Maisie I know that change and stays in hospital can progress dementia rapidly and it sounds like this has happend to Dave. He isn't being awkward or not trying. He seems to have regressed to a place years ago and that is where he is in his head. Ask him how old he is and see what he says. There is no point being annoyed with him, he does't remember current things because that bit of his brain isn't working and won't work again. You've accepted his legs aren't working properly, the challenge now is to accept his brain isn't working properly either, it's hard I know but if you don't the stress levels will be up for both you and him.
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Old 23rd September 2019, 14:15   #466 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Kalkan Regular: I think reluctantly I must agree with you. Something has definitely happened. He has asked me many stupid questions today. Do we have a garden here? Where? In this place we are now, I suppose this house. Yes there is a garden, why? Just asking. I am trying to get the TV to work at the moment, connecting and disconnecting aerials etc. I am not having a lot of luck and he said "you had better go and get the fat man you were talking about earlier. He can fix it". ???? No sense to that one. (Pointing at the commode): you had better take that out for a walk. What? Same again. Then he told me it was called Michael. He was looking at it and asked is this the same size as the toilet? I don't know where that one was going either. I didn't answer him and he said that he thinks he has made a mistake again.

It is very difficult trying to keep up with this. He asked me this morning what he had for dinner last night. I told him that he had asked for one slice of toast with jam, and that he had eaten part of one half. He asked me if I was sure, because he couldn't remember.

All day he has been refusing to get out of bed as "he doesn't feel well at all" and "my legs are hurting, and my back". I have managed to get him out twice to the commode. He was shining a torch down into the bucket from the front. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was "just checking". What, he wouldn't tell me.

This morning the door bell rang. I went downstairs and took in some packages. I came back upstairs and thought I had better check, as the bell probably woke him up. He was spreadeagled on the floor in the bedroom, near the door. He says he was going to "answer the door because you are still asleep". Did he see me in bed, he said yes. I have been in my office since the very early hours. In fact, I did not go to bed after his episode at 3.15am. So he could not have seen me in bed at any time last night/early morning. It seems he was trying to get to the door without the aid of the zimmer or a walking stick, and obviously he fell over. He has banged his head on something - a large red mark on his forehead.

I asked him if he wanted breakfast. He said he would have some shreddies. I got these and a cup of tea, and left him sitting up eating. Then he called me. I went over to the bedroom and he was standing in front of the commode saying he had been too late. I don't know about that, but he had certainly got up too quickly. Then he was telling me to hurry because his legs were giving out. I got him back into bed and gave him the tray with his breakfast and tea, and he finished most of it.

Whilst I have said that I don't want carers here - and I still don't - I wonder what they would make of this behaviour? Not a lot I imagine as they would only be concerning themselves with the physical, not the mental.

Where do I go from here? I can accept his legs as that is easy to see, but his brain?

Maisie
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Old 23rd September 2019, 14:39   #467 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

15 minute Test:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/hea...-dementia.html
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Old 23rd September 2019, 15:04   #468 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

My mother in law was hospitalised quite a few times and had further mental decline and confusion after every stay. She was in hospital having broken her hip and despite having the guards on both sides of the bed managed twice to squeeze through the little gap at the bottom and try to walk up the ward, both times resulting in a fall and the first time trailing a stand with a drip on it! She didn't remember she couldn't walk!

Once we accepted the decline in her mind and got our head round how old she thought she was, where she thought she was in her life and where she was physically it made our life and hers easier. We totally stopped arguing with her and made a reply that matched what was in her head. Her behaviour and spirit calmed and we realised that us keep telling her it wasn't as she thought just made her confused and stressed.

Was he ever into music, if he was playing the sort of music he liked years ago might help his mood. We found with Mother in Law that she also was better watching short programmes as a 2 hour film had her confused as she forgot who people where and lost the plot. Everything he is saying and doing makes me think he is way back in his past with the years from then wiped out.

It's very hard for you Maisie, none of us like to watch our loved ones decline and the mental decline is the hardest to deal with as you feel you are losing more and more of the person every week. My husbands younger sister really struggled with accepting her mum's mental decline and continued to try to 'persuade' her that she did remember and the consequence was after each visit her mother in law became angry and in a bad mood and she left upset. Eventually after a lot of talking with us she saw the light and changed her tactics in managing her and all parties were happier.

For us we told her GP and he got the memory clinic to come out and assess her so at least she had a diagnosis and could have medication to try to slow the progress.
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Old 23rd September 2019, 15:26   #469 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

To start at the end. I have an appointment booked for Dave with our GP next week. Of course, he won't be going there, but I have to make an appointment in his name to talk about him. Last time the doctor asked me if I thought he would ever come home. Does he know something I don't? I will speak with him.

I went downstairs to get a drink as my head is splitting. Dave started calling me. I got back up and he was in the bedroom doorway asking me "where is the toilet?". I steered him back into the bedroom and with the aid of the furniture for support, I got him in front of the commode. I told him that he had now found the toilet, and stand still a moment and I will remove all the pads etc. He did, and then sat down.

Strangely, it has gone through my mind more than once, and he said it himself today - he is just like a baby. I agreed with him and said that babies are not so much trouble, they can't even try to walk! He laughed.

Dave has never been into music of any kind. There are one or two artistes he likes, Katherine Jenkins for one, but he is regressing as he often says he likes Ella Fitzgerald. He also likes Johnnie Ray, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra etc. I have tried to play CDs, but he always complains they are too loud. I don't always play my taste - I am into rock 'n' roll! Stuck in the late fifties and early sixties! In any case, we do not have a set up in the bedroom. I have got two stereo systems still in bags where I "inherited" them from the girl next door when she moved. In actual fact they are a lot better than our main system downstairs. I bought them when I worked in Tandy many moons ago as I got staff discount. It is amazing when you work somewhere like that, you find so many things that your home desperately needs! I suppose I could get one of the stereo systems set up, but I will have to have a think about where it will go.

Strangely enough, Dave is quite good with films. I think that is partly due to the fact that he has seen most of them! He likes westerns. When he was younger, 20-21 ish he used to go to the cinema at least twice a week. At that time he was in digs in Liverpool as his company moved him up there to work. I do find that he cannot remember a serial even after watching previous episodes. You know, when we are up to 3 out of 6, he says he hasn't seen it before. Incidentally, I asked him just now if he knew how old he was, and he said "nearly 80", so some things are okay. I asked do you know where you are and he said "at home".

I am going to have a word with Mark about this TV business and see if he can come up with something.

Maisie
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Old 23rd September 2019, 15:44   #470 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Maisie, it would be a good idea to ask the District Nurse to do a quick & simple 'dipstick' test on Dave, to see if he has another UTI. I didn't realise that diabetic's are more prone to UTI's until I googled it.

Whilst my Mum had mixed Dementia/Alzheimer's, my sister and I became adept in spotting the early signs of her frequent (almost perpetual) UTI's. At one time Mum was telling us she had a terrible pain in her back, the nursing home were just putting an ibuprofen type gel on her back, but she would literally wince in pain. We insisted a Dr should see her, she was subsequently admitted to hospital & found to have a Serious Kidney infection, if left untreated it could have killed her!

https://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-...nfections.html

https://www.diabetesselfmanagement.c...ow-about-utis/

Best wishes.
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