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Old 9th October 2019, 16:47   #551 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Get your appointment for PALS or go and see PALS before your meeting.
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Old 9th October 2019, 17:01   #552 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Yalimart: What does this mean in practical terms? If they "take control", what is liable to happen?

Maisie
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Old 9th October 2019, 17:06   #553 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-su...afeguards-dols
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Old 9th October 2019, 17:09   #554 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

They will decide on his future and future treatment, they will act in his best interest in theory, which you may not agree with, I must say though Maisie in our case it is my dad and not my wife, but they assure me it would make no difference. They must have to get some kind of legal order though I would guess, We had an LPA and they thought/assumed we didnt at every stage.

Take ESBs advice and record the meeting, and also raise that case with PALs

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Old 9th October 2019, 17:16   #555 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

No. I NEVER think that a doctor knows best. My mother did, but not me. I have had first hand knowledge of this over the last 14 months. Also, I know more about diabetic care in Dave's case than all of them put together!

I had already planned to go to PALS first. They asked for a 10.00am meeting, but I said I couldn't do it and it is now at 11.00am.

Since we last mentioned it, I have looked high and low for my little recorder. I can't find it. My mobile makes calls and takes calls, that is it I am afraid. I will have to rely on my memory and hopefully make copious notes.

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Old 9th October 2019, 17:23   #556 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maisie View Post
No. I NEVER think that a doctor knows best. My mother did, but not me. I have had first hand knowledge of this over the last 14 months. Also, I know more about diabetic care in Dave's case than all of them put together!

I had already planned to go to PALS first. They asked for a 10.00am meeting, but I said I couldn't do it and it is now at 11.00am.

Since we last mentioned it, I have looked high and low for my little recorder. I can't find it. My mobile makes calls and takes calls, that is it I am afraid. I will have to rely on my memory and hopefully make copious notes.

Maisie
There should be a minute taker, they may also record, be sure to ask for a copy of the minutes, no actually demand them. Dave would have to be assessed by a Phsychaiatrist before they could say he lacked capacity as far as I am aware, happy to be corrected on that though.

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Old 9th October 2019, 22:40   #557 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Its clear that someone who needs full time nursing care does not simply need social care services from a local authority. In addition, it is illegal for a local authority to take on responsibility for providing care to someone who should be receiving care from the NHS.

and yet thousands of people with significant healthcare and nursing care needs are currently paying for every penny of that care because the NHS has passed responsibility for care to the local authority, which in turn puts the person needing care through means testing.

What is the difference between a healthcare need and a social care need?
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Old 9th October 2019, 23:16   #558 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Maisie are you clear in your own mind what you want for Dave’s care? You don’t want carers at home that’s clear. You can’t manage him at home on your own for very long due to the many issues so being home doesn’t seem an option. Do you want him to stay in hospital? Do you want him to be in some sort of care home? You need to be clear about what you want before the meeting, you can’t just be declining all options. It’s hard but what’s your way forward?
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Old 10th October 2019, 00:41   #559 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Kalkan regular, I agree with your comments.
Maisie appears to want help then rejects it. I dont mean to sound harsh Maisie as it is difficult times for you, but please take all the help you can get.

I watched my F-I-L reject help for his wife because he wanted to do it all (she then passed on) and he ended up in a wheelchair as a result , then he sent everyone packing expecting my wife to do it all for him, fortunately social services stepped in and told my wife to back off and stop feeling guilty.
You can only do so much before it takes its toll!
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Old 10th October 2019, 00:54   #560 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Mark asked me the same question. My answer was, I suppose, conditional. I want Dave home. I can care for him without outside help (at present), discounting the District Nurse coming in to tend to his bedsore. Although as the nurse visits only twice a week, I put a dressing on the sore more often than she does. He only has to have one "episode" and the dressing has to be removed due to contamination.

The "conditional" part relates to the chronic diarrhoea. I feel I am right in saying that the NHS should have been able to come up with something to either cure or at least lessen this as they have had 14 months to do so.

It now seems apparent that Dave has dementia, in one form or another. I blame the hospital for this, as detailed earlier. But I think I would have trouble proving it. Also, he has lost so much weight that he cannot stand even with support for more than a few seconds and walking is very slow and difficult. Negotiating stairs, both up and down, is very slow and tiring for him. But, this I can cope with.

He seems to have developed a tendency to lean over, even when resting on the bed. There is always a gap between the back of his head and the pillow. When he stands with the zimmer, he leans over the front bar. When he sits on the commode, he puts his arms on his legs and leans over. This posture can only lead to problems. He already complains of his neck hurting, which is why he is reluctant to sit in a chair for any length of time. Yesterday (Tuesday) he was leaning over so much that we got him a footstool as he appeared in danger of falling forward off the chair. But he said this was hurting his bum where the sore is, so we put him back to bed.

I am positive that given time, all this can be rectified. However, not while he still has constant diarrhoea. Quite apart from what this may or may not be doing to his various organs, it is very tiring and distressing for him.

I have left a message at the hospital to say that the meeting for 11.00am must be cancelled until 3.30pm as my son and d-I-l are both at work until then and both wish to be present at this meeting. I will go in earlier to see if I can get into PALS, and also to see Dave. I expect he was wondering what happened to me yesterday (Wednesday). I am willing to bet that nobody explained to him that they were messing me about with regard to him coming home.

Today is going to be pivotal, and I must be honest - I am not looking forward to this meeting. I would imagine that Dave will not be present this time as it will be difficult for him to understand what is going on.

Report later.

Maisie
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