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Old 8th November 2019, 22:53   #711 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

We had the same problem with a noisy neighbour, they had put her in the most isolated room and my MIL was next door! We decided they weren't going to move the neighbour so we asked if MIL could be offered a different room (but still with a toilet) when it became available away from this, we were warm and charming not demanding. We had to wait a couple of weeks but they moved MIL to a more central area which suited her much better.

Remember Maisie they are still assessing Dave which takes time, it's taken the hospital a long time and they never seemed to sort it. Don't have your eye on the clock, they may welcome your advice re the insulin just do it in a helpful/long experience way. You need to keep them onside, you get more with a carrot than a stick. Tell them that he's enjoying the food and seems so much happier than when he was in hospital (that's a real bonus and will help to build him up), etc but that his neighbour is massively stressing him. They've seen it before so will know.

At your age I would not be getting off a bus to let someone else on! Stand your ground. Perhaps getting the car out if you can manage to drive it safely might be much better for you, especially with winter here.
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Old 9th November 2019, 12:54   #712 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maisie View Post
I am sure Dave could relate to that with the TV! When I got there yesterday, he said that he had been trying for "ages' to change the channel. I asked him which channel he wanted and he said Film 4. A quick look at the listings showed this was channel 14. I pressed the buttons. Dave was absolutely amazed. Wanted to know how I had done that 'so quickly'. It is pointless trying to explain again, so I just said that I did it because I am clever!

As far as his clothes are concerned - he wouldn't notice. That is not just now, he has always been rather vague when it comes to his clothes. If I didn't buy him items, he would still be wearing the clothes he had when I met him over 50 years ago! The main problem from my point of view is that when items go missing, I have to replace them.

He seemed okay yesterday, although his original 'problem' is manifesting itself again! We have had a week or so with not too much mess, but here we go again. I am going to try and find out today what they are doing about this. Also, he has been there over a week now out of the 28 days. Nothing seems to be happening. I can see it getting to the end of the time and them asking me what I want to do. I thought someone, particularly social services, would be keeping an eye on him and visiting during this 28 days to check his progress.

The lady next door is still screaming her head off. Now though it has changed from yelling 'nurse' to just yelling, with every breath! I asked the deputy what had happened to the promised medication. She said she was taking it! I pointed out to her that it was not working and she said that it would take a 'couple of days' to take effect. Did she come down with yesterday's rain - or did I? When this first started, a nurse there told me that they had removed a resident once for this as it was causing too much disruption. I suppose that as they have put this woman so far away from the general populace as they could, there is no-one complaining except us, being right next door. We have a nursing home in the area where people like this have always been sent. This woman does not seem to have any visitors or relatives, so how long do we have to put up with this? As I said before, I doubt anything will happen until the manager comes back.

I am having trouble with the buses to get this place. Unfortunately, the area covered by this bus is quite large and I get to be about 17th in the queue to get on. Then I cannot get a seat. Yesterday the bus was full. Three pushchairs and two shopping trolleys apart from mine. After two stops, the driver told me I would have to move (why me?) as "there is a wheelchair getting on". No, not a wheelchair - it was a large electric scooter, with an even larger woman sitting on it. I had to get off and wait for the next bus which, as it had come from the terminus, was packed. I am going to try walking back up the route one stop today to see if I can get on. Failing this, I am going to have to take my car. The roads around the home are usually quite empty, so parking should not be a problem. The biggest problem is that it is a short journey and will not do my battery a lot of good. Although I do have the trickle charging gizmo attached when it is in the garage. I haven't tried driving since this problem started in my leg, so it will be a bit trial and error.

Maisie
social services monitoring in a nursing home should be none
Remember Social Services are responsible for Social Care only , Dave unable to go to the toilet on his own, Dave unable to cook for himself, Dave unable to bath/shower all these are Social Care issues not primary health need
I am sure someone from the NHS is monitoring Dave progress through the nursing home.
If Dave needs to be there longer than 28 days it should be funded through the NHS Continuing Healthcare assessment process

Easy way to remember
Social Care Means Tested = Social Services
Primary Health Need (not means tested subject to NHS Continuing Healthcare funding = NHS

https://caretobedifferent.co.uk/prim...t-really-mean/
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Old 10th November 2019, 11:25   #713 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I am still rather confused between these two. As quoted in the above post, Dave cannot do all those things. Primary health needs: don't understand. Unless this refers to his medication needs, which the care staff are dealing with. He says he gets his many pills given to him, although he does not know what they are. They also administer the insulin.

I must say though, that as far as the medications are concerned, including the insulin, we have been dealing with these ourselves for many years. Which of these two are concerned with changing his incontinence protection?

Also of course, I am afraid he cannot be trusted not to try and get out of bed. He told me yesterday that he rang the buzzer as he wanted help to get to the toilet. Two ladies appeared. Instead of helping him to use the Zimmer frame (obvious), they sort of man handled him between them. This is no good, as he did not have anything to hold onto. I think it is a miracle that he didn't fall. Afterwards, they returned him to bed in the same way.

I don't know how this would be assessed, or even if this comes into assessment. Whilst he still cannot do anything that requires walking without physical assistance, is he classed as needing care? It is difficult for me to understand this, because this was his situation at home for a long time. It only started getting 'talked about' when he went into hospital the last couple of times.

He told me that today he will ask for someone to help him (with the zimmer) just to try walking round his room. Baby steps. The room is big enough to do this. Unfortunately, I can detect a certain amount of complacency creeping in. He feels "safe" in bed and the staff do not seem to be encouraging him to get up. I spoke to a senior nurse yesterday and explained this. She said that he is always asked if he wants to get up. However, now in view of my concerns, she will be a bit stronger in her insistence that he gets up and tries to walk a bit. Hope it happened.

I was planning on taking the car there today, but I had a really bad night with my legs again. I am a bit concerned that I might get stuck somewhere, as depressing the clutch might cause cramp. It has happened before. Once, on the way back from an MOT I had to turn into a small shopping complex so that I could get out and walk about. Admittedly, it was rush hour and the traffic was crawling. I suppose at times like that I can see the sense in an automatic gearbox. We'll see in an hour or so.

A bit early for elevenses - but sod it. I am off for a cup of coffee.

Maisie
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Old 10th November 2019, 12:32   #714 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Eligibility for NHS continuing healthcare isnít based on whether you have a specific health condition.

To get NHS continuing healthcare you must:

have ongoing significant health needs, and
require care primarily because of the nature of your health needs

My experience is not a single person from the NHS ask me or my family about our personal finances, and did my mother own property
Social Services within the 1st 5 questions they ask they also bring up the subject of personal finances property savings.
Social Services will argue that not being able to go to the toilet, or shower or cook are all social care issues and therefore you will be asked to pay after 28 days
Primary Health needs would be mobility or lack of it and ongoing diarrhea

Maisie, I would have though 2 people helping and supporting Dave is the correct way to take Dave to the toilet especially if Dave has had recent falls using the zimmer frame I don't think you will find a single care home or hospital that is going to adopt a procedure the "Maisie way" as they might have some serious explaining to do if something goes wrong Why didn't you follow the procedure that you were train on, We decided to use the "Maisie method"
If the Matron is back tomorrow maybe ask about a Falls assessment and maybe start low key Physio 3 times a week
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Old 11th November 2019, 08:21   #715 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

He was in a right strop yesterday. Curled up in bed and virtually not speaking. I asked him if he had got up today and he said no. I asked him what he had for lunch and he said he couldn't remember.

I took a look at his record. It seems he was got up, washed and dressed and taken to the lounge to watch the cenotaph ceremony on the TV with the other residents. Whilst there he refused breakfast. Later, he refused lunch and said he wanted to go back to his room. He was taken back and helped into bed. I don't know how to cope with this memory loss. I told him that he had been into the lounge and had refused food all day. He can't remember anything of it.

Whilst he was out of his room, his fluffy blanket and one pillow managed to disappear. So he was complaining that he was cold. When I left they were looking for an eiderdown for him.

With regard to how to move Dave. It is not my way, but the hospital's. They said that he should be assisted to use the zimmer. What happened was that the physio would put the zimmer at the side of the bed, Dave would put his feet out onto the floor and then pulled himself up with his hands on the frame. Then he started walking/shuffling, with the physio behind him holding onto his trousers waistband. I saw them do this with many patients. Obviously there is more than one way of assisting someone to walk. From my point of view, using the frame is safer for his thin skin as the slightest touch starts his arms bleeding. Also, he screams if he is gripped what he considers to be too tight. I don't know if they have a programme of physio - I will ask today.

His out-patient appointment last week with the gastro was cancelled. Last night I got a recorded telephone call from the hospital asking if he was going to keep his appointment for 9.00am on 14th November. I pressed the buttons for yes, although this is the first I have heard of this. They said they were going to send a new appointment in a letter. I rather think that is a bit early for the home to get him there. I will talk to them today and they can cancel if they wish. I cannot get there that early either, as the bus passes do not start until 9.00am.

I didn't stay long yesterday as he could not stay awake. He couldn't remember if he slept okay, although his record shows that mostly he was asleep through the night when they checked on him. In all, yesterday seemed to be a bit regressive. Hope there is an improvement today.

Maisie
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Old 11th November 2019, 21:08   #716 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

We had a similar thing happen with MIL of knicknacks (her own brought from her own home) disappearing. We ended up asking the home to lock her room whenever she left it and it solved the problem. We'd a bit of hassle as we'd need to borrow the key if we wanted to get in when she was in the lounge or dining room but it was better than things going missing.

As to 'coping with his memory loss' just be kind, he isn't being awkward and pushing 'the truth' on him won't make him remember any better and will just cause him stress. If he says he hasn't been in the lounge just say 'ok' and change the subject. Just think how you would feel if you were told something had happened a few hours ago but you had no recollection of it! We realised that was quite frightening for MIL.
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Old 12th November 2019, 00:34   #717 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I had a couple of problems today and wasn't able to go to see Dave. Last night, I turned the light on in the downstairs bathroom, and there was a terrific bang and all the downstairs lights went out! I have torches all over the place so was able to use one to find my head torch. Went downstairs into the basement (lights on a different circuit) and removed the fuse. Mended it, replaced it and the lights came on. Result. Bearing in mind what happened the last time, I decided to leave the bulb until daylight. I changed that this morning, switched on, and it did not blow.

Got ready to go out. Put my trolley out in the porch and came back in to set the alarm. Put the code in and nothing happened. According to the display, it needed 'User Reset'. I tried three times, then gave up and called the alarm company. The girl asked me to try various things, but nothing worked. She said it sounded as though the backup battery needed replacing. So, the engineer will call later to arrange a time to call. Great!

I telephoned the nursing home and asked them to explain to Dave what had happened. The engineer turned up at about 5.30pm, too late to go out. It was the battery. Apparently these usually last about five years. Ours was last replaced on 23rd December 2012, so it has done well.

Now I am waiting for the third 'electrical' problem. Hope it is something easily fixed!

There are no locks on the doors where Dave is. But the stuff that is disappearing is textiles. I think the staff are taking the items to put in the laundry. Fine, but please return the clothes that shouldn't have been taken in the first place. The blanket is theirs anyway but I wouldn't have thought that it needed laundering. Ditto the pillow. I have several blankets and throws that I could take in, but I am worried they will disappear for ever! Marking with Dave's name doesn't seem to help.

Maisie
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Old 13th November 2019, 10:57   #718 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Dave was quite cheerful today. He said his lunch was very nice, and he ate it all. Lamb hotpot.

The staff continue to - apparently - change his clothes three times a day! Yesterday I collected (bearing in mind I collected on Sunday), three pairs of trousers, four tee shirts, one sweatshirt and five pairs of under crackers! As usual, all were soaking wet. I can't get my head round this. He needed changing whilst I was there and a lady changed the pad and the pants, but not the tee shirt or the trousers. So how come it happens when I am not there? I have tried to tell him that when they take off his clothes, tell them he wants to put them back on, always assuming they are not soiled. With the exception of the pants, none of the clothes I collect are anything other than wet. He says he tells them and they take no notice, but I am not sure I believe this.

I spoke with the manager. I asked what is happening about Dave being 'assessed'. She said that nothing will happen until the 28 days is up. I said that I was surprised that a social worker was not in and out like they were in the hospital. She said that they were only doing this until it had been decided who was paying for the 28 days. Now, she said, they will not appear until the end of this period. So I am none the wiser as to what will happen, and we are in a sort of hiatus until then.

When Dave was sent to this nursing home, it was with the information that he could not go to a reablement home as he needed '24/7 nursing care'. This is interesting. I read his record each day. Apart from the one fall at 3.00am when he tried to get the toilet, virtually every entry from early evening until the next morning says that when they came into his room, he was sleeping. As the diarrhoea has abated somewhat, he does not need changing during the night. In fact I don't think they even check as he is asleep.

So I cannot see what is different to him being at home, at least, from a 24/7 care point of view. I don't know what is happening with his diabetic control, but it seems there have not been the hypos that the hospital were causing with their silly insulin regime. I assume there is another record somewhere where they record his levels when they test him and the insulin dosage they give him. They are not continually badgering him about his sugar levels, so I assume they have this under control. I know the manager was not amused by the hospital's "regime", and said that this was not the way to manage the condition. So they are probably doing what we tried to get the hospital to do and test first, then administer the insulin after eating.

He asked me to take him some peanuts today. He must be feeling better because he has refused them up to now. At one time he used to eat many bags of these. No carbohydrates, but they should help to put on a bit of weight if he starts to eat them again.

Maisie
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Old 13th November 2019, 18:15   #719 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maisie View Post
Dave was quite cheerful today. He said his lunch was very nice, and he ate it all. Lamb hotpot.

The staff continue to - apparently - change his clothes three times a day! Yesterday I collected (bearing in mind I collected on Sunday), three pairs of trousers, four tee shirts, one sweatshirt and five pairs of under crackers! As usual, all were soaking wet. I can't get my head round this. He needed changing whilst I was there and a lady changed the pad and the pants, but not the tee shirt or the trousers. So how come it happens when I am not there? I have tried to tell him that when they take off his clothes, tell them he wants to put them back on, always assuming they are not soiled. With the exception of the pants, none of the clothes I collect are anything other than wet. He says he tells them and they take no notice, but I am not sure I believe this.

I spoke with the manager. I asked what is happening about Dave being 'assessed'. She said that nothing will happen until the 28 days is up. I said that I was surprised that a social worker was not in and out like they were in the hospital. She said that they were only doing this until it had been decided who was paying for the 28 days. Now, she said, they will not appear until the end of this period. So I am none the wiser as to what will happen, and we are in a sort of hiatus until then.

When Dave was sent to this nursing home, it was with the information that he could not go to a reablement home as he needed '24/7 nursing care'. This is interesting. I read his record each day. Apart from the one fall at 3.00am when he tried to get the toilet, virtually every entry from early evening until the next morning says that when they came into his room, he was sleeping. As the diarrhoea has abated somewhat, he does not need changing during the night. In fact I don't think they even check as he is asleep.

So I cannot see what is different to him being at home, at least, from a 24/7 care point of view. I don't know what is happening with his diabetic control, but it seems there have not been the hypos that the hospital were causing with their silly insulin regime. I assume there is another record somewhere where they record his levels when they test him and the insulin dosage they give him. They are not continually badgering him about his sugar levels, so I assume they have this under control. I know the manager was not amused by the hospital's "regime", and said that this was not the way to manage the condition. So they are probably doing what we tried to get the hospital to do and test first, then administer the insulin after eating.

He asked me to take him some peanuts today. He must be feeling better because he has refused them up to now. At one time he used to eat many bags of these. No carbohydrates, but they should help to put on a bit of weight if he starts to eat them again.

Maisie
Maisie The NHS has a duty of care to both you and Dave, can't really see them ever letting Dave home while he requires '24/7 nursing care' as its impossible for you to provide that level of care on your own and you have
constantly refused any assistance such as carers coming in.
If Dave was home now it would be impossible for you to go shopping or go to the local GP as you just don't know when Dave is going to decide to go to the toilet without any walking aids unless you plan to chain him to the bed when you need to go out

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Old 15th November 2019, 09:22   #720 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Nothing much really to report. Dave is continuing to eat what is put in front of him. Best part is that he is enjoying the meals. He cannot speak highly enough of the chef.

With regard to 24/7 nursing. What exactly does this cover? If, despite still needing the incontinence pad (only occasionally now), Dave is able to take himself into the toilet even with a walking aid, does this still count as 24/7? He told me yesterday that he took himself into the toilet with his walking stick in the early hours. He said that although he was a bit wobbly, he did not feel that he was going to fall. Problem was that he couldn't get the leverage to get up afterwards. At this point, he discovered that there is no call button in the toilet! Great! I will have to try today, but I think the cable on the button in the bedroom is long enough to go under the door and into the bathroom. Leaving the door open would have helped. He said he could hear the staff in the corridor, but it took him a while to get their attention. The corridor is just behind the toilet, and it never occurred to him to knock on the wall with the stick! Eventually, they heard him calling and got him back to bed. Okay, so 24/7 is still operational at this time. I am looking forward.

He said a day or so ago that a lady came in and offered to give him manicure and pedicure. I am surprised he agreed, but he did. He refused this service when we were on holiday in Thailand, although he needed it at the time. She made an excellent job of his manicure, even buffed his nail. His feet are a different story though. Dave has horrible feet. Over time he has developed a fungus infection in his two big toes. Our GP has looked and said that it is probably too long standing now to do anything constructive. The problem if that the nails are so thick, it requires an electrician's wire stripper to cut them. Ordinary cutters do not open wide enough. Anyway, how she managed it I don't know, but they look quite reasonable.

In view of him slipping on the floor when only wearing socks, they mainly keep him without socks. Problem is that his feet get very cold. I don't know if this is due to diabetic loss of sensation in the peripherals or not. But it affects his hands too. His circulation is not very good. Still, at nearly 80 this would probably be fairly common. I decided to see if I could get some of those socks with the sticky dots on the soles. Obviously, manufacturers do not think men have this problem. I can only find fluffy ladies' socks. He has two pairs of slippers with him. One we stopped using whilst his feet were so swollen he couldn't get them on. The other pair are heavyweight pair of mules with a semi back in them. They work fine if he can get to them. They are usually not handy, having been kicked under the bed by the staff (accidentally) or moved out of the way when they are say, changing the bed. I put them at the side of the bed every day in the hope that if he decides to get up, he can use them.

Having had two 'urgent' appointments cancelled in outpatients gastro department, the hospital have now come up with an alternative date. Would you believe 21st January?

Oh well.

Maisie
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