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Old 26th November 2019, 08:25   #741 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Yesterday was a bad day. First of all when I got there he said he had not had his lunch. Enquiries showed that he had refused it! However, they had kept in in case he did want it later. I asked them to put it in the microwave, and they did. It was some kind of savoury pork casserole with mash and veg. It smelled lovely, and Dave had to admit that it was very tasty. The pudding was something with custard. This also met with his approval. I have basically given up asking him why he refuses food, because usually he doesn't know. Like yesterday.

Then he needed changing. It was quite embarrassing to see the way he spoke to the nurse/HCA who changed him. He was so rude! At one point she looked at me and asked if she should carry on. He was moaning, ouching and owing all the time. His bed also needed changing as it was very wet. I don't know why he carries on like this. Perhaps we should all leave him to wallow in the wet. When she had finished, he did say sorry, but the damage was done. They will be drawing lots next time, to see who gets the short straw! I know what he is like with his mood swings, and basically ignore his bad moods. But there is no need for him to be like that with the staff.

He cheered up a bit after. It is very difficult to imagine his position. He doesn't want to be there but he knows he has no option at present. Until he can walk, and he has to make an effort to try walking, there is no chance he will be sent home. He just doesn't try. Still, come tomorrow morning, the assessment might pull him up short. Obviously, the staff are not going to paint a rosy picture - he doesn't deserve it, as he is anti a lot of the time, and is rude to them. This was mentioned in the hospital also.

I too am apprehensive about tomorrow. When I got home yesterday, there was a message on the telephone from a woman who said she was from 'social services' and was 'introducing' herself ahead of tomorrow's meeting. Why I don't know. Seems a pointless call to me.

The weather is grim here at present. Has been for a couple of days now. Very dark, overcast and raining. I hate this darkness in the winter. The sun can be a positive nuisance sometimes, but when it is missing for so many days, it is nice when it comes back.

Maisie
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Old 26th November 2019, 11:00   #742 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Good luck tomorrow. Hope the outcome is what’s best for both of you.
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Old 27th November 2019, 08:31   #743 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

I had a telephone call yesterday just before I left for the nursing home. The social worker has cancelled the meeting! Nice one. One day she calls me to confirm and the next day cancels - but not with me, with the council. No reason given, which makes it worse. I am very annoyed about this. Mark had organised to take the morning off to attend with me. Now they are saying that whilst they are sorry, they will let me know when they have organised another date. Pity they don't ask me when it is convenient for me, never mind them!

Dave was not very well yesterday. I am increasingly concerned about his sugar levels. They always seem to be high these days. Unfortunately, the home follows the discharge letter with regard to the amount of insulin Dave is given. It is patently not enough. There should be manoeuvring within this. I have told them that when at home he has a biscuit or similar, I give him insulin. Almost every time they give him a cup of tea, it is accompanied by a couple of biscuits or a piece of cake. I cannot tell him not to eat it, he has little enough pleasure as it is without denying him this. They will not give him extra insulin as they say, quite rightly I suppose, that they do not have the authority. Consequently, yesterday his level was 31.8. Apparently not unusual! Something has to be done or he will go into DKA again. Although at least if this happens the bloody doctor at the hospital cannot blame me! He was so lethargic, also with pains in his stomach. He did not appear to have any of the other symptoms associated with DKA, but I think he is getting very close.

I spoke with the home manager about this situation before I left. She said that she too is concerned and to this end sent a one week report to the diabetic clinic at the hospital for advice. They came back and said that they had no input as "the wife has refused our involvement". They are being very pedantic about this. In the hospital, when it was discussed that Dave would be discharged to our home, they said they would organise for 'someone' to call in regularly. When I asked why, I was told it was to 'do his insulin injections'. Quite apart from anything else, that smacks of going back to the 'three injections a day' routine which doesn't work for Dave. Anyway, I told them that I did not want anyone coming in to do something I had been doing quite successfully for 43 years. Of course, they have taken this literally, although they are aware that he didn't come home to me. I could scream!

The nursing home manager is going to call them today and say that she needs help with managing Dave's levels and that 'the wife' didn't refuse involvement in the nursing home - only in the home environment. I did explain to the manager that at home, if Dave had a biscuit or a piece of cake, or indeed anything else containing carbohydrate outside of meals, then I would give him an extra injection. Again, she said that she could not do this without authority from the hospital or GP. She also said that she is going to ring our GP practice and ask for a home visit from Dave's GP. This won't happen, as there are too many doctors in the practice. They sort of take it in turns to do the home visits. They will probably send someone who has never even met Dave!

I telephoned the manager after I came home as I only thought about DKA after I left. She said she was aware of this condition and was watching Dave closely. She said they have a gentleman resident who this happens to, and they know what happens. Mind you, the list of symptoms is quite long and, as with other conditions, you do not have to have all the symptoms to have the condition. The manager is going to let me know today how she gets on with her telephone calls.

Mark was able to get a job for this morning, so he will not be losing money through this cancellation. Of course, he is now waiting for his appointment to get his double hernia sorted and you can bet your bottom dollar he will be in hospital when this next meeting is arranged. Of course, I would prefer that Mark was at any meeting but, if he cannot, then Juliette will come with me. She is just as knowledgeable as Mark in these things, but it would be better if Mark was there.

I hope something has been sorted before I get there today. I am very tempted (although I won't) to take Dave's insulin kit and give it to him myself. As Mark said, whilst that would solve the problem, the home would think that they had solved it and that is not what we want.

Lousy weather again today - chucking it down. Forecast says it is likely to be like this all day. Great.

Maisie
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Old 28th November 2019, 07:58   #744 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Glad to say Dave was much better yesterday. He was just finishing his lunch of roast chicken, roasties and veg. Pudding was something with custard. They came in and just gave him two units of insulin. Not enough for the pudding on it's own, never mind the spuds.

It seems our GP practice sent a paramedic with helper to see Dave. At the last patients' meeting I attended, the GP in charge told us about this appointment. The paramedic is permanently attached to our practice and does quite a lot of the home visits. There is another one joining the practice shortly. This chap listened to the problems with Dave's treatment. It seems he now has a UTI for which antibiotics have been prescribed. Also, he has a sore on the top of his left big toe which is infected. Where it came from, we don't know. Anyway, I have been making a bit of a song and dance abut this for about a week now. As I told them, the last time he had an infection on a toe joint, it got right through into the bone and broke the joint and so he had to have the toe amputated. A different antibiotic has been prescribed for this. The guy left to return to the practice and put wheels in motion.

The home manager telephoned the diabetic clinic at the hospital only to be told that as "the wife had refused involvement" Dave has to be re-referred to them through his GP! Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? It is no wonder people die whilst waiting for officialdom to take it's course!

The manager said that the paramedic will be starting this procedure and when the referral has been made, she expects that the clinic will send Dave an outpatients appointment. Which she will cancel and request that they visit Dave in the home given his lack of mobility. Whether this will happen, remains to be seen.

Mark reckons that as the 28 days is now up, the home will be sending me an invoice, as the NHS only contracted to pay for the 28 days. Well, I am sorry, they can go whistle if they do. It is not my fault that the social worker cancelled the meeting. Had she not done so, then this would have been progressing on time. As the home manager said, the particular social worker involved has never met Dave, so they could have sent someone else to keep the meeting appointment. It is their fault the meeting didn't happen, not mine.

I can't go today. I have a blood test at a silly time in the middle of the day. The appointments are like gold dust and, unfortunately, we can't be choosy. I also have to call in at the chemist after getting back to town to collect my medication. By the time I get home after this, it will be too late to get the car out and go to the home. I will not upset Dave by turning up in the dark. He doesn't want me driving at night. Very irrational, but it is what he wants. I have told him I won't go today - hopefully he will remember. I did also tell the home manager in case he forgets.

Maisie
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Old 29th November 2019, 18:52   #745 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Got a call this morning from the council. They have set the meeting now for 10th December.

Dave seemed okay today. But the nurses said he was a pain yesterday as he had forgotten that I told him I would not be going in. He kept buzzing them and asking if they had seen me. Once it started to get dark, he was panicking. Eventually, the home manager found out and went and told him that I had been for a blood test, etc. and would see him today. I think I will have to leave him notes in future if I am not going to visit.

He asked me to ring the buzzer as he wanted the toilet. I got him to the side of the bed with the zimmer before anyone appeared. Then it was too late. But he said he wanted to go in and sit on the toilet anyway. He did. A male nurse came to get him off. No problem. But when he got to the door, he said he wanted to walk round the bed to the window. He did so and then walked back again. I say walked, but more of a shuffle. But at least he is doing it. Pity he doesn't do it more often.The nurse who came in first said that if I was there, then I could get him into the toilet. Not sure if that is correct procedure, but it might save a bit of time and therefore get him to the toilet in time. If only his body would give him some warning.

He said he had fish and chips for lunch and ate it all. Slight mishap with the peas though. A forkful rolled off as his hand was shaking. He said he had found them all, but there were three in the bed when he went into the toilet. I do wish he would use a spoon. Who cares if it looks dignified or not?

He asked me whose flat we spent yesterday evening in. Oh dear! Where did that come from? He says it was a lady we both know. He would not be convinced that I was at home last evening and he was in bed at the home. Puzzles me where these things come from.

He asked me to take him in a sandwich today, which I did. He said someone on the TV made this particular sandwich and he thought he would try it. Corned beef and beetroot! Ugh! It even looks awful. Still, I'll find out tomorrow if he liked it, or if he remembered the two ingredients wrongly!

Maisie
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Old 29th November 2019, 20:00   #746 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Corned beef and beetroot sandwiches are lovely.

I'm glad you've been given a new date for your meeting. I doubt they could charge you without the meeting as the last decision was that he needed nursing care and there has been nothing to contradict that.
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Old 1st December 2019, 09:26   #747 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Dave was okay when I got there. Eating his lunch, which we had to get taken away and reheated. However, all hell broke loose when I informed him of the situation that had unfolded in the morning.

Mark's van failed the MOT spectacularly! So many bits, all of them seemingly small and inexpensive to put right. However, he got a quote and added together the cost was more than the van is worth! Typical story when you run old vehicles I suppose. Anyway, Mark needs transport for his job, so asked if he could borrow Dave's car! Oh blimey! Damned if I do and damned if I don't.

First thing was - the battery. So he went and bought a new one. Then we could move the car. Pumped up the one remaining tyre we couldn't reach, then put the van at the back and the car back in front. They wouldn't transfer Mark's insurance, so he had to start from scratch. Whilst he could have driven on his current insurance, it would only be third party and I knew that would not do, given that he was only 'borrowing' the car. Also, because of his job, he must have comprehensive insurance as he ferries his clients around. He needs a van (primarily to transport rollators and wheelchairs), so is now looking around.

Then we had to get the SORN taken off. What a nightmare. The reference number on the SORN confirmation was wrong. The number on the V5C 'log book' was wrong. In the end managed to get someone on the telephone. It seems that back in 2012, they changed all the 'log books' automatically. I remember getting a new one. However, they forgot Dave's car, so he still has the 'old' one. Fortunately, the chap underststood the situation and was able to take off the SORN upon payment of six months' tax. He said he would send the new 'log book'.

Biggest problem was that in order to insure the vehicle, Mark had to be the Registered Keeper. Interestingly, I now see that the current registration documents do not differentiate between keeper and owner. Okay - that meant that Dave had to sign the document! I took it with me to the nursing home and as expected, all hell broke loose! He decided he had had enough and was coming home as all these 'things' keep going wrong because he is not here. Irrational, but I can see his predicament. Eventually, I managed to calm him down by 'explaining' that by changing the registered keeper, it had nothing to do with the registered owner. Fingers crossed behind my back!

I don't know how he thought we were going to do this but, after signing, he said that I was not to let 'that piece of paper' out of my possession. I explained that we had no choice, but I have photocopied it, both before and after signature. At some point when Mark gets a van, we are going to have to go through this again to get the paperwork back in Dave's name. Then he will probably decide that he doesn't want to/can't drive and we will be stuck. Mark did say that in this eventuality, he may decide to run the van for work and keep the car for private motoring. He was turning the van upside down last night trying to find his registration document in order to SORN it. So far no luck.

Why do all these things keep happening? We have had a terrible year one way and another, and it isn't finished yet. Next week's meeting is looming now.

Dave asked me to take him in an orange today. Strange, as he doesn't eat them very often. Still, I bought some after I came home. Four actually, so he can keep them in a drawer.

Whilst I was there, he asked me to help him stand to use the pee bottle. I got the zimmer, and he stood up almost straight away. Used the bottle with no trouble. Makes a change for that to go right without spraying all round the room! He was okay standing, but was starting to get tired.

I asked the nurse in charge about his toes. She checked up in his notes and it seems that when the paramedic was there, he noted the problems with the toes and prescribed the antibiotics, which I knew about. However, it seems he is also going to get Podiatry involved. I assume this means someone will visit Dave. Unless they decide that an outpatients' appointment will do. I hope not, because that is fraught! But something needs to be done. There is a large angry looking sore on the first joint of both his big toes. How that can occur when he is lying in bed I do not know, but it has.

Coffee time now.

Maisie
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Old 2nd December 2019, 08:59   #748 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Dave was away with the fairies today. Kept saying silly things and asking daft questions. I suppose this is to do with the UTI. Once the antibiotics get a hold on that, hopefully he will improve.

There is now another lady next door. Guess what? She is a shouter! Not quite as constant as the previous occupant, but sooo loud! She sounds in excruciating pain, as though her leg is being twisted off. She also has a TV in her room. I think she must be deaf, because she has the volume so high we have to keep Dave's door shut or her TV drowns out Dave's. The nursing staff go in to her occasionally but, like the last occupant, I think they ignore the shouting as there is nothing wrong with her. She occasionally has a visitor, but she never shouts when he is there. I wonder why?

I took Dave his oranges. When I left, he had not started them. Said maybe after his tea.

It seems that he twice got himself out of bed in the night to go to the toilet. On each occasion he fell and had to be rescued from the floor. I really don't know how he can be stopped from doing this. One of the major problems is that there is no call button in the toilet. So he just has to keep shouting until someone hears him. Not very good. Although to be fair, he should not be in there on his own anyway. He just cannot see that he is not doing himself any good by persisting in this. He will be judged as a danger to himself I am sure. This in itself will prelude him from coming home as to get to the toilet upstairs he has to pass the top of the stairs. Mark and I have discussed putting a gate across the top. Quite easily done as there are substantial supports on both sides into which a gate could be fixed. But somehow I do not see that social services would agree with us.

Quite frankly, apart from the getting out of bed, what difference is there being where he is or being at home? All they do is continue where the hospital left off with messing up his sugar levels. That does NOT happen at home, despite what the bloody hospital doctor thinks. They won't vary his insulin dose as they should to accommodate what he is eating. If ever there was a recipe for disaster - this is it! How long it will take for the diabetic clinic to get back involved is anyone's guess.

I took him in a packet of mince pies last week. I was trying to explain to the staff that as one pie is worth 38.5 carbohydrates, he should be having 4 units of insulin with each pie, as we work at 1 unit to 10 carbohydrates. They just look mystified. Sometimes it does filter through to him that he should not be eating these things as they are not giving him the insulin. But, as I said before, he has little enough joy there, so I could not deprive him of eating something nice. Although being cruel to be kind comes to mind. It would just start an argument if I tried to stop him. Okay, I shouldn't have taken the pies in to start with, but what can I do when he asks? The latest request is for a bottle of ginger beer! I've got that for today. More sugar!

Maisie
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Old 2nd December 2019, 13:35   #749 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Maisie ask if they have a pressure mat alarm. My MIL had one and each time she tried to get out of bed she stood on it and it set the alarm off and staff would go to her as she kept falling. Later she had a gismo fixed on the wall at the side of the bed and as soon as she swung her legs out of bed it again set the alarm off.
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Old 3rd December 2019, 08:40   #750 (permalink)
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Re: My Bolshie Husband

Sounds like a good idea. But I don't think anything like that exists in this place. I am sure that before installing either of these items, they would have installed an alarm in the toilet. I really cannot believe that there is not one there. The most vulnerable part of the room! Hospitals always have these. Dave broke one - it came out of the ceiling in his hand! It was repaired, but took nearly a week.

Another problem (I see anyway) is that his room is at the farthest end of the building, away from the staff rooms. This is why when he falls, or gets stuck on the toilet, it takes so long for someone to hear him shouting. He says that he was banging on the wall with his stick the last time. But I am afraid I do not believe this as, when initially asked, he said that he got into the toilet unaided. Passing a walking stick, a Zimmer frame and a wheelchair on the way! He really is on his own when it comes to stubbornness.

He ate most of his lunch yesterday, but again did not eat all the veg. He always eats all the puddings! The ginger beer went down well. He had drunk at least half the bottle by the time I left. I changed his pad after he had eaten. Just before I went, he asked me to help him up to use the bottle. When I pulled back the covers, it was too late. Not only had he already gone, the sheet under him was just a pool. I rang the buzzer and a chap came and said he would sort it. I left him to it.

Maisie
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