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Maisie 26th May 2019 09:16

My Bolshie Husband
I am starting a new thread here because I had hijacked the thread about being 82.

Hubby is still in hospital. Now in the fifth week. He continues to be bolshie to all and sundry - me included. In fact he was so bad yesterday that I left after about ten minutes. He is continuing to lose weight for no apparent reason. He started eating again after the last bout of refusals but his weight has gone from 10 stone to 8st.12lbs. in the five weeks. I should be so lucky! Even ten stones was a drop from his "normal" weight of 11st.7lbs. He has virtually no muscle in his legs. They are literally skin and bone and his arms are going the same way.

Now he cannot stand up and even with a zimmer frame (to get to the toilet) he falls over and the staff have to rescue him from the bathroom floor.

The staff nurse told me yesterday that "he is trying his best". No way! I have known him too long for this to wash. Most days now, he flatly refuses to take his morning medication (numerous pills) unless I am there. So as I can't get there until the afternoon, he is hours late with his pills. Yesterday he threw the pills all over the floor! And this is his best? Apparently he said it was an "accident" and he missed his mouth when he tried to throw them all in his mouth together. The staff might believe that, but I don't.

I have a feeling that if he continues in this vein, they will just chuck him out and I will have to cope with him. The longer he stays there the more angry he gets. Although I have asked, there is no signs of a psych team to talk with him. He still asks silly questions. Yesterday when I walked in he demanded to know where I had been. On Friday he wanted to know where I went after "we" left the "gun room". How do you answer that? When I have the audacity to query his assertions, I get told that I am being awkward and trying to make him look stupid. Of course, there is no answer, other than to walk out.

A friend has suggested that he might be suffering from "stir crazy". I suppose this could be a bit true. Although he didn't go like this on previous occasions when he has been in hospital. He has also decided that it is the hospital that is upsetting him. If he has to go to hospital again - he is not going there! That too, cannot be answered. You call an ambulance and they take you to the nearest facility. The next nearest is about fifteen miles away.

Oh well. I will go in today as usual and see what transpires.


Mig62 26th May 2019 10:06

Re: My Bolshie Husband
Maisie, No disrespect to you but it sounds to me that your husband is very ill. Having dealt with this kind of situation myself, all I can say that often when it's someone so close to you we fail to see what's really going on. The person you knew no longer seems to be there and they also cannot understand what's happening to them, hence the bizarre behaviour. I suggest you need to have an honest talk with one of the doctors or the ward sister to find out what's really going on with your husband.Take care and look after yourself

Harrynjulia 26th May 2019 10:16

Re: My Bolshie Husband
When my father-in-law had spells in hospital, some short & some longer, he had very similar symptoms to those you describe, he was diagnosed with delirium due to the infection he had & the medication he was taking. His behaviour was very bizarre but returned to normal when he returned home.

Maisie 26th May 2019 11:09

Re: My Bolshie Husband
Harrynjulia: that sounds very encouraging. However, they will not let him come out until his blood sugars stabilise. That is another problem. At home, before eating he does a blood test. Then we eat. We know what we eat in terms of carbohydrates, as we calculate this very carefully. He then takes insulin to suit. In the hospital they give him three jabs a day of 5 units each - regardless of whether he is eating or not. So what happens? He gets a dose of hypoglyceamia. They then rush about stuffing glucose into him. But because they do not know what they are doing (how much sugar = a unit increase in the blood) he goes high. They then suck their teeth, and tut and say "we can't understand this".

We have publications which explicitly explains how to work out the carbohydrates in any meal. But they don't want to know. As to stabilisation: in the 43 years he has been diabetic, many health people (including a Harley Street "specialist") have tried and failed to stabilise his blood. Yet the doctors now seem to think they can do this in a few weeks! We have asked to let us deal with the insulin. But - no they lock it away in the bedside cupboard and only unlock it when they decide to give him a jab.

They now describe him as difficult when he refuses to have insulin. He knows when he needs it, and that is not on an empty stomach because he is being sick, or was not able to eat one of the meals. They moaned to me once that his levels had gone down to 1.1. Upon enquiry, it seems he awoke feeling and then being physically sick. They came along gave him insulin, but of course he did not eat breakfast. So what did they expect FFS? They even telephone me to say that he "won't take his medication". Well, if they don't know what they are doing, perhaps it is fortunate that hubby does.

After 43 years, both of us have become quite expert at guessing at sugar levels. Most of the staff, almost without exception, were not born 43 years ago! Yet they think they are experts. It is patently obvious that they do now know how this condition should be managed.

Mig62: yes I agree with you, but the staff are making him worse. I have tried speaking to many of the staff, but to no avail. I agree, he does seem like a different person which I suppose he is, given what they are doing to him. He blames the hospital for him being ill. Nonsense - to a degree. He keeps saying if they would just discharge him we can work it out at home.

All of this is ridiculous when considering that it was nothing to do with diabetes which took him into hospital. It was because he had excrutiating pain in his left hip and whole leg, which was making him fall over when he tried to walk putting his weight on it. He was falling so many times through this pain and we hoped the hospital would be able to tell him what was going on and hopefully sort it out. He had x rays, scans and ultrasound on his hips. They told us after all this that nothing showed up so they didn't know what was wrong. But, "my God, look at the diabetes. We can do something about that". Yeah, right.

Difficult all round. Two days ago I was there when a doctor appeared. This doctor listened to us and said that she would tell the staff to let him sort out the insulin for himself, as she understood what was happening. However, it did not happen. I haven't been able to see her since.

Basically I have had enough. I would like to take him out - but what then? He is literally bed/chair bound. Mobilisation will be dreadful even with the zimmer. The rehabilitation lot who pop in to see him now and again have agreed that whilst his legs are lacking muscles he will not be able to walk. He does try, as I said before. He gets himself to the bathroom, but then falls and has to summon assistance. Although his weight is now so low, I don't think I could cope with picking him up off the floor. I had quite a bit of that before he went in. Pity we got rid of the wheelchair that my son got for me.

Sorry about all this moaning - but I can't see light at the end of the tunnel and he hasn't even walked into the tunnel yet!

I would go now and have a stiff gin - but I don't drink! Coffee will have to do.


Akasya 26th May 2019 11:21

Re: My Bolshie Husband
Maisie , if i may , if or when a Doctor makes an agreement with you it means nothing unless they endorse the patient treatment plan at the foot of the bed or on the board beside the patient , always ask them so to do .


saoirse 26th May 2019 11:44

Re: My Bolshie Husband
My heart goes out to you both

I really hope he rallies soon so you can both continue to enjoy your lives

shash 26th May 2019 11:54

Re: My Bolshie Husband
You could try talking to P.A.L.S. patients advice and liason service. Hopefully they have done several checks for water Infections. Patients often don't drink enough fluids. Wishing you strength.

juco 26th May 2019 12:00

Re: My Bolshie Husband
My f-i-l was the same blamed the hospital for everything and argued with all and sundry, his problem was spinal which prevented him from walking, for the next couple of years he was impossible to live with and was in & out of hospital awkward with carers, hated hospital, he even took bits off his wheelchair I am sure out of spite.

On another note I was in for a week and they put me on hell knows what medication, I felt normal but wife and visitors saw me in a different light as being anxious and argumentative which is out of character for me.
On out patient follow up I asked what medication I was on and hey the records had not been transferred so they didn't know (after 3 months)

I suspect they give medication to subdue patients to make life easier for them. I would get a list of what they give him and google it.

Maisie 26th May 2019 12:21

Re: My Bolshie Husband
Well, that is interesting! I have once or twice asked him what pills they have given him. It is difficult, because he doesn't know here at home! I put the pills out every night for both of us for the morning. I have a printed sheet which goes in his medication bag, which lists the medication, the dosage and the size per pill. I have even put after the name why he takes it. I stood by the trolley one day and watched the girl sorting his pills. She has it displayed on a laptop in front of her.

When he went in I gave him a week's supply of all the pills. I have not been asked for more - after 5 weeks? This happened the last time he was in. When he got home after two weeks, I took out the pills. Some had not been touched, some had one or two missing and others varying amounts missing. Given that these are all one pill at a time and all go together for one week, it is very suspicious. I suppose they would get out of it by saying that they had supplemented from their own supplies. If that is the case, why do they insist on current medication accompanying the patient on admission?

I am now off to get a bus to see what today brings. Don't take my car because if I can even find a space, the charges are exhorbitant. Being old, I can use my bus pass!


35pluschips 26th May 2019 12:42

Re: My Bolshie Husband
Perish the thought of being stuck in a hospital bed for five weeks & perish the thought of not having your other half home for five weeks. Trying times for you both.

I wish you both well Maisie...............82?????? Check your birth certificate love because when I met you, you didn't look anywhere near that age.

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