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Go Back   Turkish Living Forums > Turkish Moves > Living in Turkey & North Cyprus
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Old 28th July 2005, 09:30   #1
merlin
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Arrow Lets not forget the children....

There has been many posts on this forum covering the ease of integration into a new Turkish lifestyle.

One aspect we should never forget in the equation is the effect and impact this new move will have on our children.

Whereas in the past everyone banked on the mythical flexibility of the children, a new awareness has appeared that the children's aspects of an international move need to be incorporated.

Families often find that time quickly runs out right before the big moving day.

With the immediate needs for boxes to be packed, and good-byes to be made, there is little time left to search for adequate ways to prepare the children.

The young ones often find themselves in a transitional whirlwind that can leave them confused and frustrated with the uncertainties ahead.

Parents, projecting their hopes and aspirations on the children, most often deny the concerns felt by the child . "Yes, you will have to learn a new language, but you will be fine" - "Sure, you will go to a new school, but you will make friends" - "No, we can not take the dog- but Benny will be happy with his new family" - "Changes?- Many, but do not fret!".


Multiple change

Naturally the personality and the developmental stage will vary from one child to another. Their individual needs, preferences, openness and coping skills will differ, but there is a challenge to be met even by the most flexible of children. Lets not forget... a move involves more than just changing schools, there are new systems in place, other learning styles. On top comes the total loss of reference for the child; the loss of friends.

When moving abroad this is topped by the challenges of a foreign language, a new cultural environment, a house which is not yet a home, in a period where the child is still searching its own identity. It is therefore not uncommon to see the child react in its own individual way to these multiple changes.

What to look out for - the implications

Anger, a sense of helplessness, plain resentment are expressions of unresolved grief of the children. Another observed behaviour is an extreme passive attitude towards the move and the new cultural environment.

Other children driven by fear of remaining an outsider, urgently want to "put themselves on the map" and end up being qualified as a difficult child, or even hyper active.

Children may feel hesitant to discuss their struggles with their parents - out of concern adding another problem on their shoulders where the child observes that the parents are juggling many relocation issues as it is
- or due to the initial denial of potential problems prior to the move.




A child friendly questionnaire is freely available online at www.CONSULTus.net/expatkids/welcome.htm

It encourages the child to reflect and express its associations about the upcoming move and helps to facilitate the internal family communication.

The document is part of an ongoing survey and parents are encouraged to participate by sending in the parents questionnaire which is available online as well.


Virtual Community

Staying in touch, searching relevant information, sharing experience are universal needs. For mobile children the internet has become an important tool to do just that. The (non commercial) website http://ori-and-ricki.net/english.html is specially designed for Expat Kids. It features special sections where kids write about their experiences abroad.

Other areas cover country specific information, great links, recommended books, etc. Ori, the migrating bird together with his newly found friend Ricki host this website.

They not only make easy identification figures but are accessible by email, so kids can ask questions, share their resources or submit their contributions.

Empower the expat kids and you empower the expat family....

Merv!
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Old 28th July 2005, 10:08   #2
Dippey
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Send them to Boarding School!
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Old 28th July 2005, 10:26   #3
canim
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Nice post Merv!
Its sometimes easy to forget how stressful it is for a child to ajust to a new country & culture!!
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Old 28th July 2005, 10:28   #4
merlin
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dippey
Send them to Boarding School!



Constructive as ever
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Old 28th July 2005, 10:39   #5
gezmek
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Forget the children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dippey
Send them to Boarding School!



Don't have any!!
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Old 28th July 2005, 10:48   #6
Dippey
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Re: Forget the children

Lots of people do (send them to boarding school) all my expats in the middleeast have, and there's loads of boarding schools around where I live and they rank as the best education in the country, and the kids i meet in town don't regret it, as far as they are concerned, get good education now, and enjoy life when finish education. And they quite enjoy parents not being around.
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Old 28th July 2005, 20:05   #7
murdo
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Good website links. Moving to a new country must be a heck of a transition for kids but also an opportunity for bilingualism/cultural awareness. I wouldn't contemplate sending my kids to boarding school. We like spending toime together as a family!!!!
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Old 28th July 2005, 21:33   #8
merlin
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Quote:
Originally Posted by murdo
Good website links. Moving to a new country must be a heck of a transition for kids but also an opportunity for bilingualism/cultural awareness. I wouldn't contemplate sending my kids to boarding school. We like spending toime together as a family!!!!



Another important thread Here! that should provoke some thought for the kids living in Turkey.

Merv!
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Old 29th July 2005, 00:13   #9
KayaKoyuOldBoy
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

My kids keep asking when they can come out and visit us. I just ignore their calls !
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Old 26th August 2005, 10:05   #10
merlin
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Re: Lets not forget the children....

Quote:
Originally Posted by murdo
Good website links. Moving to a new country must be a heck of a transition for kids but also an opportunity for bilingualism/cultural awareness.


Funnily enough, the children, from what I have seen, once settled seem to handle the culture shock and language much better than some of the parents!

Merv!
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